


take care

by watergator



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fainting, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Vomiting, phil fainting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 07:39:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16551713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: dan and phil return from the hospital





	take care

By the time they’ve reached the flat, it’s already dark out. The sun long disappeared from the sky, dipping below the horizon and blanketing the city of London in darkness, and Dan has to remind himself that it’s a reminder that winter lingers around the corner with the nights becoming shorter, and evening springing out on them with quick sunsets just after four.

The flat is a little cold, and Dan shrugs his coat off at the door and throws it across the banister of the stairs ahead of him, as Phil shuffles into the living room.

“Do you wanna order food?” He asks, turning to face Dan looking tired.

Of course he’s tired, they’ve spent the majority of their Sunday in a hospital. Dan swallows thickly and nods,

“Sure.”

He doesn’t want to order food; he can’t find the energy to have to pick up the phone and communicate with another person today, but he watches Phil flop against the sofa with a sigh and close his eyes.

He won’t ask Phil to do it, not after a day like this. So instead he makes his way to their room and plugs his phone into the wall quickly, watching it come back from the brink of death, just enough for him to pull it back out again and call for their usual order of pizzas.

Once it’s done, he returns back to the living room, where Phil still sits, head tilted back and eyes shut gently. He looks so peaceful and yet, Dan has to will himself not to disturb him.

He’s exhausted; he’s spent the day with people coming in and out, poking and prodding him until he’d smile through gritted teeth and pretend like it didn’t hurt. He’d bounce from one emotion to another as the day began to drag out, and the promise of going home began to shrink further and further away. But they were home now, and Phil had easily found comfort in his corner of the sofa and let himself sink there.

Dan clears his throat awkwardly, not wanting to scare him, to which Phil cracks open his eyes just a little to look over at Dan stood away from him.

“Pizza's on its way,” Dan tells him, and he hates the way his voice sounds so weak but he clears his throat again to stop the wavering in his tone.

Phil nods, and a thin smile ghosts his lips as he closes his eyes.

“Thanks, Dan. I’ve been craving a texas barbecue all day,” he jokes with a tiny huff of a laugh. Dan tries to copy, but it comes out a little forced.

“I was, um, I was gonna get in the shower before it arrived, but if you’re not feeling up to answering the door...” Dan trails off, and sees Phil open his eyes again at him.

He so desperately wants to shower. He would have showered straight away after arriving home if Phil hadn’t mentioned being starving hungry on the drive home. He wanted to stand under the spray of hot water and let it burn his skin; let it wash away the smell and feel that the hospital left on him. Wants to scrub it from under his nails and off his body for good.

But Phil gives him a sad look, and sits up a little,

“You think you could wait? Until after dinner, I mean? I don’t think I want to open the door if you’re not here.”

Dan nods, because of course that’s the answer he was expecting, and it’s what he was going to do anyways, so he nods.

“Of course,” he croaks.

He then realises that he must look like a right weirdo, stood on the far end of the room just, staring, at Phil sat on the couch, because Phil laughs again, and pats the spot beside him.

“C’mere and cuddle?” Phil asks, smiling sweetly at him. But it makes Dan’s stomach churn at the thought of having to go near him. He’s afraid that he’ll break with one touch, and Dan knows he’s too rough and too clumsy to be trusted around someone as delicate at Phil right now.

But he feels bad; feels bad that he’s stood here feeling sorry for himself whilst his boyfriend who’s been poorly in the hospital all day is asking for just some cuddles whilst they wait for their food to arrive, as Dan can’t find the muscles to move his legs and do that because he’s the one that’s scared.

“You okay?” Phil asks him, frowning over at him in a concerned manner.

It should be the other way round; should be Dan holding him, asking him how he’s feeling. Not like this.

Dan nods, and uses shaky legs to shuffle over to the sofa where he sits next to Phil.

It’s not until Phil is pulling him in that Dan tenses, as their head knock gently together, barely even any pressure to feel in the first place, but Dan pulls away.

“I’ll go get glasses. For the drinks,” he excuses as he gets up and walks away.

His hands shake as he pulls two little glasses from the kitchen cabinets and sets them down on the counter. His whole body shakes, and he hopes that Phil isn’t turned around watching him. He glances back and watches Phil with his back to him as he scrolls slowly through his phone. 

He’s sure that when the pizza delivery guys turns up outside their door, handing Dan the boxes of food that he can probably sense that he’s being weird. With the odd look he gives him as he hands over the little box of sides Dan ordered he glances down at Dan’s shaking hands and back up at Dan with a strange frown before they exchange quick goodbyes and Dan’s slamming the door perhaps a little too hard.

And he’s most definitely sure that Phil notices something is up when he looks down at Dan’s side of the pizza to notice it barely being touched.

“Not gonna indulge yourself in your nuggies?” Phil asks as he swallows down his third slice of pizza, nodding down at Dan’s untouched and probably cold food.

Dan smiles thinly, and nods, “Yeah,” his voice barely reaches a whisper.

He takes one bite of his chicken nugget and his stomach flips inside his body. He thinks it’ll pass, but instead he feels the all too familiar burn of bile in his throat and he’s jumping up off the sofa and making a dash for the bathroom.

He makes it just in time, and retches into the bowl just as he feels Phil’s hand heavy on his back. He lets out a little sob, but it’s drowned out by another gag and he spits.

“Dan, baby, you okay?” Phil asks him gently, and it only makes Dan sob a little louder.

“Was it the food? Do you think you picked something up from the hospital earlier?” Phil asks, a tiny hint of panic in his voice and Dan shakes his head.

“I’m - I’m fine. I need to shower. You can go lay down. Or eat, actually. You need to eat,” Dan tells him shakily as he pushes his weak body up off the floor as turns to face Phil.

He looks worried; his brow creases and his mouth is tugged down into a little frown. He doesn’t want to look at the face he’s made do that, so he’s gently pushing Phil out.

“You sure you’re okay?” Phil asks quickly, before Dan nods once, and closes the door.

His hand hovers over the lock; it’s something they’ve probably never really needed in all the years of living together, but right now he needs to cry and sob alone in here, and he doesn’t want to worry his poor boyfriend anymore. So he twists it quickly and turns back to the shower.

He fumbles with getting his clothes off, but he manages, and steps into the shower and turns it on.

It’s cold at first; freezing water as cold as ice drenches his body, but he doesn’t get out. Instead he stands and waits for his numb body, both mentally and physically, to be greeted by the comfort of the warm water.

And once it hits his skin, does he cry. They’re little tears at first that pose no threat, but then it’s like he’s being unclogged from the inside and he breaks. He heaves sobs, muffling them with the palms of his hands and just hopes that the sound of the shower will drown them out enough for Phil not to hear.

He sobs and sobs and sobs, and wraps his arms around himself as he lets himself cry it out.

He reaches for the body wash that’s been left on the floor of the shower and practically empties it into the palm of his hand. He scrubs at his body with just his nails and goes over every inch of skin as much as he can until there’s nothing left, and he’s been rubbed red.

He cries some more, and his eyes burn at where he’s washed over them but he doesn’t care; the water and his tears wash the pain away and eventually the water is running cold again.

It takes him a while to turn it off and step out, and when he does his body shivers against cold air, and he remembers he doesn’t have a towel.

He reaches for the door and clicks it open and steps out. The flat is so cold against his skin that every hair raises in a sea of goosebumps on his skin, and he slowly pads his way to their bedroom where the towels are. He catches sight of Phil in the living room as he passes it, and Phil shoots him a wide eyed look of horror.

“Dan!” Phil almost yells, gently getting up off the sofa to make his way to him. Dan wants to cry again. He made Phil get up because he was too stupid enough to forget a towel.

“Dan, you’re gonna freeze to death what the hell are you thinking? Walking around here ass naked?” Phil scolds him, and rubs a hand over his icy cold arm, causing Dan to shiver.

“I forgot one. I’m okay.” Dan tells him and sets off towards the bedroom again, not looking back to see the heavy gaze he can feel Phil give him from behind him.

“You could’ve just asked me to grab you one,” Phil mutters sadly. But Dan ignores him and closes their door and shuts himself off in the dark.

He should have stayed in the shower longer, he thinks, because he can feel a whole new wave of tears begin to bubble up inside of him.

Instead he towels himself off, rubbing the fabric harshly against his skin and pulls on an old tee and joggers.

He wants to just curl up and stay in bed and not have to face Phil anymore today. He wants to run away and curl up and cry and forget today even happened.

But he also really wants to hold his boyfriend and tell him he’s sorry for being shit, and sorry for what happened today and sorry for everything and just hold him and make sure nothing bad ever happens again.

So he reluctantly leaves the bedroom and slowly trudges to the living room where Phil still sits with the array of food in front of him. 

“You didn’t eat,” is all Dan finds himself saying as he looks down at the food and then back at Phil who turns to face him.

“Neither did you,” Phil says back.

Dan plops himself beside Phil with a heavy sigh and pushes the nuggets away.

“I’m not hungry,” Dan sighs, and pushes them towards Phil, “but I know you are. Here.”

But Phil doesn’t look at them, let alone accept them, and instead clasps a hand over Dan’s looking down and where it shakes still.

“Dan. Please don’t shut me out like this. Not now.” Phil tells him bluntly.

Dan blinks. “I’m not shutting you out.”

Phil lets out a frustrated sigh, but despite of it, he squeezes Dan’s hands in his and runs his thumb over his knuckles lovingly,

“You are. You are now.” He tells him gently, “It’s okay. It’s okay to tell me what you’re thinking.”

Dan pulls his gaze away from him to look down at the cold box of chicken nuggets as he feels tears well up in his eyes.

He feels stupid, pathetic, like an idiot as he sits here and cries. He has nothing to cry about. He’s not the one that passed out today and spent a day in hospital feeling dazed and confused. Not the one that’s probably feeling shitty right now and having to put up with a selfish asshole of a boyfriend.

He blinks again and tears roll down his face. He doesn’t bother wiping them away, but he feels a gentle hand on his cheek swipe at them.

“It’s okay to feel scared. You did so well today, Dan. You did so well and I’m so grateful for you today.” He says softly as he wipes away new tears, as Dan sniffs, flickering his eyes back up at him.

“I was so fucking scared, Phil,” Dan croaks, his voice barely audible.

Phil nods in understanding.

“I was so fucking scared, and I thought I’d done it all wrong, thought I’d fuck it all up and you’d be gone forever,” Dan hiccups as tears begin to make way down his face faster this time.

“You didn’t though, did you? I’m here aren’t I?” Phil tells him, cupping his cheek, but Dan lets out a ugly sounding sob, chest heaving again.

“But what if I still somehow manage to fuck it up? What if I hurt you? What if I do something wrong?” Dan cries, but is stopped with gentle lips against his wet cheeks.

“You’re not. You could never hurt me, Dan. Today just sucked, that's all it is.” Phil shoots him a sympathetic smile as he pulls away and Dan just feels another sob escape him.  
  
It’s terrifying him, that after today, Phil is still somehow Phil. He sounds like Phil, smells like Phil and is all round the same Phil he was before today. He hates that somehow throughout this entire horrible day he’d managed to ping back to normal and bounce back like he’d been untouched by the traumatic events that took place today. He hates that whilst Phil was able to spring back into his normal self, Dan himself had felt stuck all day, like a rubber band being pulled further and further apart, and it wouldn’t stop until he snapped.  
  
It scared him to think that if something had gone wrong again tonight that he’d be too stuck to help; that he’d be pushed so far that he’d snap and it’d hurt Phil in the process.  
  
But he doesn’t know how to say that out loud, and his lip quivers so he buries his head into Phil’s chest and has a cry instead.  
  
He doesn’t want to snap. He doesn’t want to break when he’s supposed to be strong. Earlier today with the image of how Phil had gone pale and quiet all at once before his knees buckled beneath him and how his body had crumpled to the floor as easy as paper was a harsh reminder to him that he couldn’t break down in a situation like that.  
  
But today had been so long, he didn’t know how to snap back like Phil had.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Dan murmurs against Phil’s shirt where it’s damp with his tears. He feels the vibrations that hum across his chest as he laughs,  
  
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Dan.”  
  
Dan presses himself as tight as he can to him, all whilst being gentle still.

“I should be taking care of you, not the other way around,” Dan says, voice miserable as he pulls away to wipe under his nose with his wrist. Phil has his hands in his curls as he brushes through them with soft fingers,  
  
“We take care of each other, yeah?”  
  
Dan just hums.  
  
Phil leans in to give him another gentle kiss against his lips, only lasting a few seconds, but long enough for Dan to feel shivers run up his spine like fireworks.  
  
“If it’d been the other way round you know I would have been running around like a headless chicken,” Phil jokes, and Dan actually laughs.  
  
“Yeah,” Dan croaks, “you would have been.”  
  
“But I’m glad it wasn’t you. I would never want that,” Phil says in a smaller voice, frowning for a second, almost trying to envision what that would have been like.  
  
“I never want you to get hurt, Phil. It was –“ Dan sucks in a shuddery breath, “it was really horrible.”  
  
Phil just looks at him sadly, and runs his thumb across Dan’s bottom lip lightly.  
  
“I know, babe. But you did so good today. So good getting me to the hospital, staying with me and cracking jokes on twitter.” Phil reminds him.  
  
“You helped a lot of people today. You’re allowed to feel shit now if you want.”  
  
Dan nods, and closes his eyes, “Yeah,” he breathes, “okay.”  
  
He feels Phil pull him in for a hug, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and back and presses a kiss into his curls.  
  
“I love you,” Phil murmurs against his hair.  
  
Dan pulls away to look at Phil and stare right into his eyes with a soft, sad smile.  
  
“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr !! @watergator


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